Finishing a piece, waiting on materials

I am happy to say I am finally putting the finishing touches on the piece that I have previously shown, with my great aunt behind a fence. Though I liked the piece, I never truly felt that it was finished. Now that I am putting in a show next week, I really wanted to push myself and figure out how to make it complete. I am adding some very powerful text form the same letter from my last post, but am amending sections as was recommended by Catherine. I think picking out the words and phrases with the most meaning helped me find the essence of the text: "The cause of this country might be lost... keeping their faith in the government... their patience might come to its end." I am going to screen print the text on the back, formatted to fit inside the barbed wire. I am also going to add pine motifs of the front with paint, referring to the idea of longevity.

Even more exciting, I am going big with the smaller piece I showed of my great grandfather in front of his crops and garden... Got some beautiful giclee prints for the photo transfer, and am heading to plasticare today to get my two sheets! I have also figured out, with the help of Deborah, a new way to adhere the two pieces to each other-- magnets! I asked the guys at plasticare to drill spaces for magnets (which should come in the mail today as well) so I can put them together with strength and subtlety. Further, I am collaborating with them to fabricate plexiglas stands for the pieces. I am so excited to start working on this piece!

Reactions from Nigel's Critique

     I have to say that while I enjoyed having the time to meet with Nigel in person and speak about my work, the critique itself was somewhat unhelpful. Nigel's background as a photographer was drastically different from the work that I create, and I could often sense that distance during our conversation. Nigel also mentioned that the fact that she didn't know me or my work made it difficult for her to give her opinion or offer any helpful suggestions. Yet, she was able to come into the critique as an audience member of sorts, which allowed me to gain a different kind of perspective on my work. 

     One thing that we did have in common was our fascination with collections, especially those of natural history museums. Nigel had the chance during college to work in a natural history museum's entomology department where she learned how to pin insects for display. It is where her interest was first sparked in using bugs as a subject in some of her earlier photographs. 

     Nigel thought that the strongest aspect of my work was the white background which I seem to employ in all of my pieces. She mentioned that it often gave an eery quality to my work and reference the rawness of nature. 

      While our critique was rather rushed, I was able to quickly mention my plan with the specimen paintings. Nigel liked the graphite drawings much more than the paintings. To her, the paintings often lacked something in the colors that the were painted in. I didn't quite understand what she meant by this.... 

Anyhow, I am off to work on a large sculpture collaboration with Stephanie Biller! We decided to collaborate at the beginning of this week on a very large installation that will incorporate surrealism, animal forms, and a play upon multiples. We are hoping that it will move both of our bodies of work forward once it is complete! 

PS - Please ignore the crappy quality of the image below, but for those who were not able to see, this is a recent specimen painting I completed of an Allen's Hummingbird. It was created in the illusionistic style of William Harnett who painted objects as though they were sitting directly on top of the surface of the wood. 

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

...Except it doesn't I just really like Shakespeare.

OKAY.

So this last week was spent screen printing symbols. I currently have six in my little catalogue and have cut quite a few of them out and have placed them on the large, map-like structure currently hanging on the wall in my studio space.

Currently, it looks like this:

I am not entirely sure where to go with this now. It is probably too soon to tell, since I finally got it all up in an arrangement I am pleased with about four hours ago, so I guess I should mull it over and see where it goes. 

I was also able to talk to Nigel Poor today for a short time. She seemed to think that I am trying to create some sort of language, which seems pretty apt, considering all of the work I have been doing this quarter. She also caught on to the fact that I am extremely interested in light and time, which was incredibly pleasing. Ultimately, though, I feel like I am trying to create some sort of language or symbol system, I'm just not exactly sure what I am trying to say. 

As a side project, I've started working on this mapping project dealing with the United Kingdom and the various fictional places that have been created within it. It's still very rough and I'm not exactly sure what I am doing, but tomorrow I should have a giant film made of a blank map of the UK, and something screen-printing related will happen to it within the next week. 

Next Project in Litho Series

An update for my Import/Immigrant project-- I am using another photograph of my great grandfather in his greenhouse. In my last project, I emphasized the idea that my family, as immigrants, believed that they owed their livelihood to America. To contribute and give back to the country, they became farmers to literally give nourishment to its citizens. This was more of an abstract idea, not one that I got directly from my ancestors, but merely my impression of what they must have felt. After looking through the documents that belonged to my great grandfather Kiyoshi, I found a letter that voiced this idea completely from the family preacher who was vouching for my grandfather's loyalty:
"I remember him constantly saying to his children and to his neighbors that Japan was his country by birth, but America is his country by adoption; Japan brought him into the world but it is America that reared him and brought him to maturity; he owes just as much if not more to this country than to Japan; that his children are all Americans; therefore, from the standpoint of his family he owes much more to America than to Japan. He used to stated that he could make the best possible contribution to this country, which is his country by adoption, by the way of farming, raising food-material essentially necessary for the welfare of the nation."
So, I wanted to use excerpts from this quotation so I can specifically address that idea. I am also choosing three flowers to represent piety, innocence/silence/devotion, and loyalty. I am going to make graphic version of the flowers and fill the greenhouse with them. Here is the partially manipulated photograph:

Fabric, fabric, fabric...

Finished the vertical stitching on the yardage of dyed draping fabric. It is woefully unnoticeable no matter how I photograph the whole piece, but maybe that's just me?

I was inspired by the patterning and process the stitches of the sewing machine itself make. Looking at weaving and stitching patterns in a few of the textile history books I borrowed inspired exaggerated striations that visually mimic the frenetic sound of the sewing machine. (I'll update the post with a close-up of the stitching later).

I also wanted to include my sketch for my lithography final wherein I'm making a print of "the face of fashion". Using contemporary popular model Cara Delevingne, I covered her face in textile patterns indicative of decades to represent the ephemeral and changing nature of trends not only in clothing but in the people who wear them. I will go into photoshop with the drawing scan and add color to the patterns, then print in CMYK.

[[I cannot believe the quarter is almost done, am I the only person slightly freaking out?]]

wax and stuff

I have been working hard to get my butt in gear with work. However I am finding that my work, unlike me, cannot be rushed. I have made three new pieces and two of them feel more finished than the other. I am finding that I am struggling with the end point in each piece. I am never really ready to pull away.

One of my photos has taken a much different route than the norm for me and I am really pleased with the outcome. I am still so happy and excited to be working with Alix on mondays. She has given me some really inspiring ideas and I can not wait to start testing them out. I love working with her and in her space as well as meeting the new faces that will drop into her classes.

Not a whole lot to discuss right now but things are happening!!! Pictures to come ASAP

hope everyone is hanging in there... the end is near!

pretty sure the world hates me.

Ok so here's another update of the mess this project is with my clay and photography collage piece.... 
This gel medium is a wreck and has potential but I just haven't had the best experience with it. Below is the mess I am currently involved in. My second attempt in remove the paper and revealing the image.
Oh hey, and my frustration never left.
I know art isn't easy but maybe taking on another trade and medium was rushed and difficult, especially with the little knowledge and experience I have with printing on clay. 
LEARNING EXPERIENCE. Yippee!
Of course im still going to complete this horrific adventure of a piece but I am taking on a few other ways to express my theme (look back at last post)
Hopefully my next post will be positive.
And im hoping Nigel will be my savior with advice for me. Being the only photographer BFA, I am really excited to talk with her and see her presentation, as I am in love with her work! (hey that last part was positive!) :)

Update

SO, I am currently waiting on my photographs to transfer onto my clay pieces overnight so I can then place them together in a final collage-form piece. I have two.... one outdoor/black & white and one indoor/color.

Judging by what awful luck I have been having this whole quarter, I devised a back up plan/idea that goes along with my nature, landscape theme. Below is an image of just one test scan, but I feel like I can do so many things with this, combining it with my photographs, all while going along with my theme of giving the viewer a closer connection with nature via photographic art.

I spoke with Catherine a little today and she told me that I should speak to Chinn tomorrow about a different process with similar to this aesthetic but with a screen printing process creating silhouetted forms. This is good in adding a different medium which i sought out, in combining it with my photographs. 

More to come.....hopeful in executing my "running in circles" ideas into art works...... Fingers Crossed, Everyone.

Heads, heads, and more heads...

This week marked the beginning of some new sculptures! :)
I've decided on a final direction for this project, which I hope to have completed by the end of the quarter. The piece will consist of six "mannequin" heads: three plain bodies with hair/head pieces, and three anatomical bodies without hair/head pieces. My plan is to set each group up in a row facing each other, so each head has a conversing "partner".

I started carving one of my plaster casts, which proved to be more time-consuming than I thought:

This has been challenging but fun, because the process is subtractive not additive. It is forcing me to "see" in a different way, picking out areas of negative space that I want to be, in fact, negative. I am going to continue to carve out the skeletal structures, and will paint muscles and other internal structures on the form with oil. The other two plaster mannequins will be similar in composition.

I also started number 2 of the hair mannequins:

This piece is more difficult to work with than the first because the hair is longer and a smoother texture. I like where this one is headed, and I just have a few more rows of hair to sew in before I style it all together. She will be wearing this head piece which I also worked on this week:

There are just a few more elements that I need to add to the crown before it can be added to the head as a whole...

So, as of now,  I have one head done and two under construction. That leaves me approximately two to three weeks to get everything else completely finished (three more heads). I am feeling the pressure slightly, but I think that is also what helps push me to get things done. 

Another post coming soon!

Updates

There's no real clever title for this because it is what it is: updates!

I have hand dyed the drapery muslin with a thinned mixed color of acrylic paint, the dried finish does not make the fabric stiff but carries enough pigment to show color--which is what I wanted. I have now begun to stitch horizontal lines in the space not occupied by the dye starting from the bottom up. In working with the material I am thinking less of designing or creating my own textile but rather using the raw materials of "fashion" (fabric, thread, embroidery, dye) to create a "painting" of my own.

I also have started working on the second painting of my triptych series and hope to be done with it by this week.

And lastly I went and raided the library for books on fabric, textiles, and patterning--especially in relation to art and culture and have read a couple, and intend to work my way through the stack!

[Insert Clever Title Here]

I finally feel like I stumbled upon a project that I am at least going to stick with until the end of this quarter. This past week I screen printed three sets of a nine panel "map" that I am going to manipulate somehow over this next few weeks. The plan now is to print a million of these tiny illustrations I have done of a lightbulb, an hourglass, a few lanterns, a clock, and a lightning bolt, cut them out, and play with the placement of them on the bigger structure.

I don't have pictures as I am typing this, because it slipped my mind, but as soon as I get them they will appear on the blog in the form of another post.

Critique with Catherine, Roddy, and Deborah ended up being one of the most helpful critiques of the quarter. I think that had to do primarily with the change of format. Having the time for one-on-one conversations with each of the professors not only made it easier to process what each of them said, but no one had to fight to be heard, which was brilliant. And I think, overall, that if the critique hadn't gone the way it did, I wouldn't have been able to work out some of the things I did that night.

In a nutshell, I discovered that I am primarily trying, at least with this weird giant map that I am working on, to instigate a conversation about light and time. I don't think I would have been able to figure that out if not for the critique.


In other news, The Art Assignment, a PBS series about art and all things related premiered on the YouTube on Friday. The first episode was particularly amazing in explaining conceptual art in a way that is digestible and interesting, and so I have posted the link here just in case anyone wants to take a look. I thought the first episode was kind of excellent, even if it is probably aimed at a high-school level audience.

Linkity-Link for future reference:
The Art Assignment

He'll Be Ok Right?

     

     Well not really... he's dead. But don't feel so bad - I actually found him that way! With the weather as nice as it was this morning, I decided to head out and go on a little excursion to collect anything that I could find that would be worth making art from! I happened to stumble upon this little fella who seemed like the perfect candidate for one of my next specimen paintings. This is one of the many steps I plan to take for the future of my work - collecting and photographing my OWN material. 

     Over the past few weeks, I have had several serious conversations with Deborah about my work and where to go from here as I diverge on a new, more biologically-driven road. The problem with my work isn't that it is not painted well, but rather in the way it was presented in terms of my own message, which has always been richly based in a science and the museum context. She told me to go back to the drawing board and start simpler - do away with the complex surrealist scenes for now, and instead focus on painting actual specimens as they appear in life. Deborah's suggestion was to look at the works of William Harnett, a painter who often painted objects to appear as if they existed in real space with the viewer. It is a style that makes sense with my need for achieving realism, as it would be an added illusionistic technique to my already life-like style. It was also in Deborah's suggestion to paint life size as these paintings would stand as literal recordings of a particular object.
     This week I completed a painting that followed some of these rules and was incredibly happy with the result. My stubbornness as an artist often means that I'm not one for change, but I decided to open up and follow suggestions with nothing but positive results. The plan for the new painting I just completed of a hummingbird specimen is for it to become a part of a quadric series of bird specimens (possibly all hummingbirds), so I will post pictures of the paintings once all four have been completed. 

     

Still Struggling

I need to start using molds more so my planes are cleaner. I started making some that have bumps in them I can use for holes to screw my hinges in. In critique, Catherine helped me talk about the space I'll be working with in the Myhren Gallery and how I wish to present  my objects/tools either through stations or an installation. Roddy helped me vent about how hard it is to take philosophy and do art because I have all these theories in mind while I'm working, instead of making and then seeing what theory comes of it. Deborah helped me by thinking about just the materials but not worrying about painting them. Now I'm gonna get the good resin and it will allow me to make my custom molds. By making molds, I can repeat actions and can transport myself into a meditative state. Deborah says repetition is good for me and I agree with her,  as I need structure.

Wherefore ART Thou, Blog?

The documentation continues in February!

I borrowed some screens from Tanner via Catherine. No more reclaiming, all daily efficiency!

I met with a guy from ShatterBuggy who gave me old busted iPhone and iPad screens to experiment on over the weekend. I was getting some weird peeling and lack of grab on the part of my inks on glass but I think they turned out pretty cool as a side project.

I played with some substrates Catherine and Deb gave me to discover that frosted mylar is EXTRA nice! Couldn't be more excited to try and snag rolls of this stuff through the BFA mini-grant. I was surprised to find that it adds a wild level of dimensionality to the colors themselves. I'm most excited about the transparencies changing and shifting as you walk from one side of them to the other, not to mention what kind of effects different lighting situations could produce. I like viewing the print from the glossy side and printing on the frost (back) so before I reprint all these huge calendars again (fingers crossed as hell!), I may need to re-burn them into my screens backwards. 

The daily printing/documentation is getting spiritual to say the least! Now I'm not transcribing a tome of data, I'm keeping a journal - touched with love per diem. It's ritualized, as compulsive as doing those 6 things I love to do are. The daily routine of marking them on my calendar was one thing, but this feels better and way more rewarding. It's done wonders for the quality of my prints themselves. I don't exactly miss printing 20 liquors and 13 gyms at once just to catch up. Screens don't dry; I'm in and out in an hour.

February is a cleaner month. Execution and activity-wise. You can see it!

Why horses?

Why horses?

I've been asked this question a lot lately. So after talking to Mia she recommended that I take some time to just sit down and write down anything I can think of to answer this question. My list seems to keep growing as I keep finding reasons as to why, I think this answer could take a life time. I put a lot of thought into this and each answer came from my heart.

- I have an automatic natural connection with the animal
-gentle giants
-they have a certain smell
-Beauty (structure)
-Strength (muscular)
-ability (hard working animal)
-willingness (connection and compassion with humans)
-smart/intelligent animals, able to learn quickly
-companion/friendship (to climb mountains with)
-travel, explore, distance
-movement
- spirit
-sexy powerful animals
-strong long history
-old world
-speed
-wild
-romantic
-communication
-anatomy
-I enjoy the process of painting them

change is coming.... AGAIN

ok so here this goes.... and please excuse my frustration... I spent HOURS taking photos (50 of each scene -look at last blog post to know what i am talking about), HOURS editing them and narrowing them down to 13 per scene, HOURS mapping and collage-ing them out through photoshop so when i print, i can use as a guide to put the separate images together into one hockney-type collage, HOURS making 40 ceramic 4x6 tiles to have enough to create two complete pieces with some spare to test on, HOURS taking film copies of my printed digitals so i could essentially print on the ceramic and.... HOURS TRYING TO LIQUID LIGHT THE IMAGES ONTO TO CLAY IN DARKROOM WHERE IT DID NOT TURN OUT FOR THE THIRD TIME NOW...!!! did many tests, just gray happened to appear.... (see image below) then i did some tests on regular paper without an image, just the liquid light, and it STILL turned gray.... MEANING.... something is bad or wrong with the liquid light. it should not be turning gray. I put in the hours this week and last. I've had help from Roddy with the photo parts, Mia has witnessed my making of the 4X6 tiles, and Andy Gatti tried to help me with the liquid light - darkroom process and has WITNESSED the on-going failures with it. I am so frustrated, I cant even think straight right now, I had a plan, did the work, and the last step failed. Tomorrow, i do not want to show my misfortunes YET AGAIN. I want to start brainstorming a new path. Ceramics.... liquid light.... just not the kind of troubles and set-backs i need to come across with my art making. Tomorrow is a new day and i plan on discussing this all with Roddy and seeing what photo route i can go on from here. Apologies for not having a completed work of art this week, but i put in MORE than enough time, energy and hours....so i hope i am not punished for this as it is truly out of my control. it's time to choose a route less reliant on CHEMICALS and choose one that i can fully control so that I can come to a completion of my ideas in a form of an art piece. As i am brainstorming new paths and ideas, i am open to hear from you all, professors and classmates.

bagels locks and love

This past weekend was a large family affair. My mom was able to fly in Friday morning and come and see what I have been up to this quarter. My dad flew in just in time for Valentines dinner and my 9 of the Tischler's were able to make it to the closing reception at the CPAC on Saturday night. It was a great weekend. 

But what ended up being the gem hidden in the weekend of treasures was my Sunday. I had organized time with Maynard on Sunday to photograph work in his studio and share with him my plans for my current project. I always enjoy when Jeanie comes along so I had asked her to join. However, with the whole family being together Saturday night everyone expressed interest in a "brunch" that Sunday morning. So Sunday morning seven of my family members and I sat down to a traditional bagels and locks breakfast. It was amazing to have us all together, so impromptu and happy. It was a truly amazing afternoon that never seemed to really end. 

I was able to shoot somewhere around 350ish photos of Maynard's studio and the wonderful clay objects inside it. He told me many stories dating back to undergrad years and up to the present. He informed me of a secret project that he has just started. He is anticipating this project to take at least a year and has asked if I would like to help him. 

This pas was a rare, probably once in a lifetime experience with the members of my family who participated. I love all of them so much in so many different ways. We are a wacky bunch but I love when we can all put our creative talents together. I can not wait to see where my work goes with the positive reinforcement I have already gotten from everyone. 

"Frosting" the Walls

This past week I have kept working with cake decorating tools and clay.  I wanted to expand what I was doing with the organic form that I covered in "frosting" and see what it would look like to "frost" the walls.  So, on Wednesday I piped clay directly onto the wall in my studio, knowing that it wouldn't be able to be fired and that it would eventually fall off of the wall when the clay dried. It was kind of freeing creating something that I knew wasn't going to last and would be destroyed in a few days haha!!! So this is what it looked like when I finished on Wednesday night.....

And then by Saturday it looked like this.........

I am so pleased with the amount of detail that I can get with using the cake decorating tools and clay. I want to keep going with this and thinking more about what this act of piping clay to look like frosting really means to me and what I want to say with it.  

One done, moving on

So I hung up the yardage of draping muslin Lea gave me in my studio space, and am going in tomorrow to pick up an iron and sewing machine so I can steam the fabric and start working on it.

In the meantime I finished up my first painting and started my second (although I apparently only took a picture of my first, I will post a picture of the second in progress tomorrow).

I also spent some time researching fabric manipulation techniques and put on hold about nine books at the library concerning textile history and cultural influence. Lots of reading to do.

Practice Makes Perfect and Amanda's Critique

After a little bit of struggle dealing with endless cracks and techniques I forgot already, I finally figured out how to build a teapot with porcelain clay. This week, I have looked through Takashi Nakazato's work as Catherine commented on my last post. Moreover, the book Arcanum, which Mia recommended, has been interesting to learning about the historical story of porcelain. I also found a few more ceramics artist to be my reference. As I mentioned in my last post, I finally got the photos of my father's collection. Here are a couple of them (sorry, but my dad does not know how to take picture without blocking the corner with his fingers...) and they will be my reference for more teapots to come.

From the critique with Amanda, it went alright. She was interested in my concept of my personal experience inspiring me. She enjoyed the statement about searching for the precious using my memories from my culture. However, she said that she doesn't feel that I should spend time to make teapots and cut it out. She thinks I should use thick paper, such as watercolor paper, to make paper teapot and then dip into slip. I explained how the paper collapses when it's heavy from the slip, so we were brainstorming. The time went by really fast and although we did not have a solid conclusion, I thought of new ideas throughout our conversation. Overall, the conversation was much needed, and she gave me a bunch artists to look up as well.

https://kelly-schnorr.squarespace.com/

http://stephanielanter.com/

If you find a pause button let me know...

Like everyone else, I need to freeze time so I can do the fifty million things on my to-do list. But, since this is reality, I must work with what I got...

Thanks to the gracious help of Lea, I was able to cast my mannequin head in plaster. I used Algiform to make the mold, which I haven't done since sophomore year I believe. This was challenging to make because my object was so large; I had several complications, but I was able to get 2.5 heads (hahahah) from my one mold:

Because the base is so wide, the mold started to split more and more each time I pulled the plaster out once it had set. So, I think I will only be able to make 2-3 heads from one mold. But, now that I know what worked and what didn't, I feel my next round will not only be more efficient but successful as well.

First, my plan this coming week is to start sculpting one of the new mannequin heads. I will be looking at sources from anatomy books (I just bought a new one this weekend which is absolutely beautiful) to carve out skeletal structures, and then later paint muscles and other internal forms. Second, I am planning on starting the second hair piece as well. I discussed with Mia during our one-on-one critique about what the imagery would communicate if the hair piece is on an anatomical form as opposed to a monochrome, untouched form. I would like to play around with the placement and see what conversations I can make...

While I was in the process of starting the heads, I finished the painting that was on my easel. I didn't want to start another one and leave her half finished (she was already giving me dirty looks) so I jumped in and went to work. Please excuse the glare from my studio lights:

This painting was challenging because it is only my second oil painting of the figure in color. I practiced using different painting techniques, from dry-brushing to the palette knife. My current studies for Color class have played a role as well, as I tried to practice mixing color and using in on the canvas more effectively. I would love to do another oil painting to explore the medium further; I feel I have come a long way in my painting abilities since starting college, but I know I have so much more to learn. 

My admiration for female pop stars is partly my reasoning behind using female figures in my art work. When I watch their music videos for instance, I am in awe at the fashions they wear, their hair and makeup, and the emotions they can evoke through the camera. There is something about all of these elements combined that captures viewer's attention, often making people obsess over the celebrity (I can relate this back to my post from last week and the female seen as a "man eater"). Pop stars are marketed as having a sort of beauty that is unattainable to the everyday person; we are supposed to aspire to be them, to be envious of their material possessions, to buy the same products they "use" (I would bet my life that Beyonce doesn't dye her hair with boxed L'Oreal). For these reasons, pop start are the center of attention for my friends as drag performers. I find a similar connection to the status of female pop stars today, to the nude women painted through out history. The nude female was often looked at as an "object", something for the male to cast his gaze upon...

Finally, I had a chance to read an article Chinn gave me about Degas and the nude female bathers he painted. Carol Armstrong writes about the structures of gender and sexuality in his paintings, while connecting them to others he was influenced by and ones that were influenced by him. Armstrong argues that the female body has been deconstructed through out time, being used as an object of visual pleasure, and often for the benefit of the male viewer. Some of my favorite quotes from "Edgar Degas and the Representation of the Female Body":

"The gaze turned on the female nude in this case (and the disembodied touch which it implicates) is an eroticized gaze, but it is also a highly aestheticized one." (224)

"...a relationship between viewer, space, and body that speak to the traditional positioning of the male body, the meaning of its exteriority, its projection into a field of vision, and ultimately into disembodiment and invisibility" (225)

"As such, it negates the traditional function of the female nude: to be present to the gaze of others; it negates as well the funciton of the nude's aestheticization and abstraction: to provide a sublimated mode of appropriation. The female nude, when free of narrative situations, is most often constutied frontally and horizontally - as a kind of landscape, its significant part the torso, its limbs merely elongations of the line created by the supine, stretched-out torso. " (237)

I am starting to think about these kinds of things when I am working with these female figures, both what it means for me and what it means for the viewer (especially the differences for females and other males). I feel like some of my many ideas are starting to lump together, or at least that's what I'd like to think. Crossing my fingers for an upcoming productive week. 

Where is the drill from the painting closet?

Does anyone know where the drill from the painting closet went? Deborah is not happy about it missing, and I need it really bad for sculpture work. If anyone finds it just put it back please.

Thanks,

L

Sculpture HELP!

Showing Amanda a more "finished piece" made me realize how much work I had to do. She helped me edit and focus, which is necessary for any art project. My installation in 023 is simpler now, with just a simple blue light shining on my leaves instead of my crystal photos. We talked about how crystals grow and I still want to work with the idea of fractal repetition.

I also talked with Mia and although I should be concentrating on mediums I am more familiar with, we will schedule an appointment to fuse glass in a kiln. I do still want to work with resin because it is crystal-like, but glass and mirrors seem more realistic. I found out about a type of resin that breaks like glass but is not harmful--it's called crystal clear liquid resin. So, if I decide to have the viewer interact with my objects they will probably contain that. The trick is to see how I can join/intersect multiple planes of them together safely. Fusing glass really attracts me because it can be like painting, but while it's hot you have to remember where you laid each colored cut glass and mix it intentionally. I have directions on how to boil glass too and it's similar, but the bottom layers come to the surface in bubble shapes. The end product looks like rocks and nature in general. I have only completed sculpture 1 so far, so I might need some help from any sculpture teacher when they have time to work with me.

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

I love all of you! Happy Valentines day! Thank you all for your support and motivation over the last two quarters. I have truly enjoyed getting to know each of you!

Also about art stuff...

I met with Sarah yesterday and had a great talk about my work. She gave me some great suggestions to try out during the process of my work. I am going to start working on multiple pieces at once and try to get out of the regimen or pattern that I have fallen into with some of the work.

I also got a chance to sit down with Mia last night and she also gave me great insight on how I could make my work stronger. I have created a "formula" with my pieces. I am going to try and work across a large body of work and not put every element into every piece.

Lastly I have created an exciting challenge for myself. Because I feel so connected to this project I would like to create an actual body of work through this project. I have booked 023 from March 1st to april 12th. I would like to install the first week we get back from spring break. I would love advice from anyone who has done a solo show down there. Anyone who would like to help instal will be given free pizza and beverages! More details to come!

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!! 

Things That Resonate (Or, The Very, Very, Very Long Post)

I feel like I may be taking a huge risk by posting this. I probably should not, especially not at 1:16am on any night at all. But I was never one for hiding what I feel and apparently life is nothing without a little risk. I guess.

So here it goes.

For as much as I talk, I don’t actually say things simply to hear myself talk. It may seem that way, but mostly I talk as often and as much as I do because the only way to make sense of whatever mess is currently circulating in my brain is to work it out verbally. That being said, visiting artist critiques are often the most challenging things I ever experience, because in two minutes I have to spew out everything I have been mulling over for months as concisely as possible, which for me, is never as concise as I would like. There always seem to be too many things happening in my head and I never the right words. During my critique with Amanda Small there was clearly some miscommunication, and the misunderstanding picked at some things that I would rather not have had brought to the surface. 

There seems to be, in my limited experience, a stigma surrounding pop culture and fandoms and fanfiction and fan art and anything having the slightest association with the word fan. At least, it seems to exist if you come at it from the context of fictional work. Being a sports fan seems to be just fine. I have had to deal with this ignominy of being a fan ever since the first time someone asked me if I wanted to watch something other than The Lion King. It is not viewed, in our society, as a positive thing if you are a Trekkie or a Whovian or a Potterhead or a Sherlockian or a person who identifies strongly with any fan base that operates in fiction. And as a life long “fan of things,” this is a huge problem for me.

When I tell people that I am a fan of things, the response isn’t exactly negative, but it’s not positive, either. Mostly, my statements are met with something like contempt. From that point onward, the person I am speaking to doesn’t seem to take me seriously. Maybe that’s because there is this stereotype of “crazed fan” that seems to permeate representations of nerds and obsessive types in the media (for example, I could write a short essay on why the Big Bang Theory is completely and utterly demeaning to the group of people that it claims to embrace). Regardless, I am usually taken much less seriously if I say to people that my work deals with specific artifacts of pop culture, especially if I don’t have enough time to explain that I work with these things because I am interested in them not only as a fan, but because of the socio-cultural implications of the artifact and because of what being a fan of a specific television show or film or book series actually means.  

It seems that I was unable to communicate this to Amanda tonight, because for me, it felt like she reacted in the same way that people usually do. After I told her that I was interested in working with pop culture and the media, it felt a little like she took me and my work much less seriously.  She brought up a lot of things that I react against. Asking me at one point, “well, aren’t you just a massive fangirl?” and telling me that it seems like my interest in these things is primarily escapist and that perhaps it comes from this feeling of being labeled an “outsider.” To an extent I think the outsider comment was true, but it was the comment about escapism that I reacted against. Internally, I reacted to it with all I had, even though I didn’t say anything to Amanda because I wanted to know what she had to say. But I reacted negatively to that word with everything I had. There was a definite and resounding “no” that reverberated through every part of me, because I don’t feel that my interest in any of these things is escapist. Though maybe such a strong reaction to this comment just means that what she said is true. Maybe I’m just victimizing myself.

For me, it’s as though I actively mine the important bits of advice or wisdom from a source and then apply it to the world around me. But it seems like I didn’t communicate that all that well. I understand, and have understood for a long time, that different words mean different things to different people. I have watched my grandmother and mother get upset about specific words too often not to recognize this as some sort of small truth. So when I was speaking to Amanda about fiction somehow mirroring reality, what I really meant was “fiction presents its viewers with basic human truths that are sometimes difficult to remember or understand when we are bombarded with negative news media and silly, every day problems that seem huge when we experience them. Sometimes it can help people recognize what is really important in a way that is more positive than some of the things we are exposed to on a daily basis.” What Amanda seemed to hear when I said “mirror” was “Wizards are real and Hogwarts exists.”

As far as my artwork goes, Amanda basically told me the same things that I’ve known all quarter. I need to find a tether, something that I get excited about and just make it. I need to find what is important to me and hone in on it. Basically, she didn’t think my work very strong at this point, and that the things that I was doing seemed arbitrary and that she wasn’t convinced that the meant anything to me. I have known this all along, and so of course I took no offence to that because that criticism is 100% accurate. I keep bouncing from place to place and I absolutely need something to tie me to the ground. Metaphorically speaking. 

But in response to the “find what is important to you” advice, I don’t know what is important to me anymore. It seems that I am constantly told, from society or otherwise, that the things I find important are not important at all, that these things are vapid and useless. I am confronted with this seemingly everywhere, and if I’m getting it from that many places, it becomes extremely difficult to ignore. And then when you are told that it is okay to make art about this, it seems like a trick.

Anyway, Amanda suggested that I create a visual language using symbols either from pop culture or ones that resonate with me, telling me that maps use visual cues that mean something just because someone said so, and that I need to make a code system that means something just because I say so. But it really felt like she was telling me not to make art about pop culture. I don’t think this is what she was telling me. I think I heard that because I always have. Or maybe she was. I’m not very good at reading people much of the time.

But in retrospect, she did seem to react the same way that everyone does when I say that I love Doctor Who or Harry Potter or the Chronicles of Narnia or anything else. I get an eye roll, or a “you’ll grow out of that in a few years” or an “are you making Doctor Who art in my class?!” or an “oh Mikaela, still prattling on about that one thing again are you?” And as much as I am usually okay with that (because at this point that reaction seems normal), it also really hurts. It hurts because even though many of the people in my life have accepted that no, I am not going to stop talking about these things, nor am I going to stop loving them, they don’t seem to take me seriously for it, or believe that I could be interested in these things because they reveal human truths or because they talk about issues of abandonment or prejudice or provide socio-political commentary. They also don’t seem to understand that literally millions of people could be interested in these things for the exact same reasons that I am.

And of course, the people that are important to me always accept this weird, obsessive personality I possess. The amount of time it takes for them to accept it is the most difficult thing to grapple with.

Amanda also asked me why it is important that people initially dismiss pop culture, that they treat it as blasé. I think part of that is because I tend to take things way way too personally. By dismissing these things, by not taking a person’s interest in pop culture seriously, it feels very much like they are disregarding a vital part of my own identity. It invalidates me, to an extent. Logically, I know that is not the case, and that my worth as a person should not be based around other peoples opinions, particularly not their opinions on the things that I like. But when people suddenly stigmatize me because I am open about the fact that I like Adventure Time and Avatar: The Last Airbender, and don’t treat me as though these are not legitimate interests, that’s when I get upset. Because it is a very human thing to want to be loved and accepted and essentially to know that it is okay to like what you like and think what you think and feel what you feel, simply because you like, think, and feel those things.

Everyone wants and needs love and affection and validation. And you know what solidified that in my brain? What made it stick there when the world around me hadn’t taught me that yet? Doctor Fucking Who.

And just for the record, none of this hostility or not hostility but… negativity….that I am spewing out is in anyway directed at Amanda. She was incredibly helpful in ways that she probably couldn’t have realized, because this one conversation forced me to confront things that I haven’t thought about in a while. I know why I can’t make art about these things now. Now I know why I have to keep things secret, at least in my artwork, even if I have no qualms talking to my family or friends or the faculty about any of my nerdy interests. Because in general, people’s reactions to my confessions have not changed.

I hope that all made sense. 

Look at this bird I drew...

The world is moving so fast right now... I just want it to stop so that I can have a HUGE amount of time to get stuff done. After all, I think most of us here can vouch that money and time are the two things artists need the most. I have had several important conversations with various professors this week. After speaking with Deborah, we came to the conclusion that my previous paintings often revealed themselves as scenes, rather than playing upon my true interests in science and artifact. Deborah had a fantastic suggestion that played upon my desire to achieve absolute realism in my work. She told me to paint animals or specimens as if they are sitting directly above my birch wood surface... painting them so well that to the audience, they would see this images as actual objects that are present in real space and time. Additionally, Deborah suggested I go back to the drawing board and do some drawings and studies of actual specimens, as they appear in museum collections, and try to imagine them in real space.
      I am comfortable in saying that this week, my mind has really been turning toward a new direction in my work - one which allows me to go further away from work that has already been done by artists I admire, and instead brings about a new realm that is me. The piece below is a drawing I completed over the weekend using the suggestions put forth by Deborah (and various others) in mind. Speaking with Mia tonight has also allowed me to realize that stepping into another zone does not mean giving up on what I am already excited about. Rather, I need to find a way in which I can cross what I am already doing painting-wise with what I am hoping to do going forward. As of right now, my I can imaging having several specimen drawings, similar to the one below, which have slight surreal alterations to them. To the viewer, their rendering would make them appear as real objects, but their configuration as specimens would conceptually allow these works to appear as REAL recordings of REAL species from a REAL world. Furthermore, these "specimens" would be repeated in my more fantasy-like works and thus cause the viewer to really think about reality.